Sunday, August 26, 2012

Assault Girls: Worst Sci-Fi Movie Ever

In nearly 50 years on this planet, I have never proclaimed a sci-fi movie to be the worst sci-fi movie ever made until I watched the unwatchable Assault Girls on Netflix the other night. Sure, over the years there have been some bad science fiction movies. The series Mystery Science Theater 3000 made a living poking fun at such bad movies. But even they would be hard pressed to find anything to poke fun of in this movie because there just isn't anything there! Acting? What acting? Characters? What characters?

Synopsis:  "In the aftermath of global thermonuclear war, three battle tested women wage war in a virtual reality videogame against giant mutant sandwhales. All of them seek to kill 'Madara Sunakujira' the game's end boss but find that despite their high levels, are unable to engage it alone as they wish, forcing them to form a party to defeat it together."

Ok, sounds kind of stupid and bad, but this is a movie from the director of Ghost in the Shell, a far superior product. Yeah, Assault Girls gets horrid reviews on Netflix, but I have enjoyed many supposedly bad movies. And sometimes they can be so bad that they can be fun for me to watch. Boy was I wrong!

I should have known it was going to be bad when the movie starts with something like 15 minutes of exposition explaining what the future earth and its society will be like. Unfortunately, its rambling mess of exposition lost me within minutes. Then the movie (and real pain) begins. Just take a look at the trailer, which I did not see until writing this post. I think it speaks for itself. I had to stop the movie after half an hour--I just could not take it any longer. Come on! Even Battleship has to be better than this movie!


  1. Battleship didn't have enough explosions. No sarcasm intended. Seriously, it really needed more explosions.

  2. Wow! It must be bad-I tried to watch the trailer-it forced my browser to shut down in self defense.

  3. The trailer gives me the impression of something my little sister would watch. I will admit it however, given my poor taste in 90's TV, would watch this if it was on. (big guns and bigger monsters is sorta' my thing)

  4. I've found a saving grace - the girls are gorgeous! :)

  5. Eye candy can only go so far TamsinP.....I am not sure if this beats the Carnivel of Evil we walked out on....the video game cut to shots made me want to throw up.